25 Nov 2025 ~ FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN

What haunts my heart is the thought that the people I have mentioned so far are “only” friends. My closest family members are all still very much alive. If losing a friend feels like this, how utterly unbearable must it be to grieve the loss of a brother or sister, a father or a mother, a spouse or a child.

To be honest, as I get older the thought of losing someone close to me is becoming more and more of a reality. “Thought” is not the right word though. I’m rather thinking of the word CS Lewis used when he said: “No one ever told me that grief felt like fear.”

I might be using it out of context, but “fear” is the right word. I am fearing the grief that might accompany the loss of my loved ones. The only way to avoid this grief is to be the first to exit this life. But as Shakespeare said: “Death, a necessary end, will come when it will come.” 

Death is a given, and therefore grief is inevitable, and so is the fear that accompanies this reality. There is no escape from any of these realities. And, just as it is impossible to see what is happening inside a fig, it is impossible to know what to expect by examining the grief of others. I know that I will only truly understand what it’s like when it visits me personally. 

Oh how I fear the unknown…

Today is my dad’s birthday. He is 81…